Captain's Night Out
by MyLuckyStars
Summary: Just poking a little fun at the Trek Captains. Expanding on the books written in the Captain's Table series. This was just a dabble into the commical, and it is complete.


**Star Trek: The Origional Series, Star Trek: The Next Generation, Star Trek: Deep Space Nine, Star Trek: Voyager, and Star Trek: Enterprise don't belong to me, I'm just borrowing their captain's for a night out.**

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The bar was dark and crowded, and people moved about with glasses of alcoholic beverages in their hands. At one table in the far corner, five people sat, in the middle of a deep conversation. They were Captains James T. Kirk, Jean Luc Picard, Benjamin Sisko, Kathryn Janeway, and Jonathan Archer. At the moment, Captain Kirk was in the middle of telling this story about how he had single handedly defeated a whole armada of alien warships. 

Janeway rolled her eyes and yawned. She turned to Picard, who she was sitting next to and whispered, "I thought this guy was dead."

"Evidently I didn't finish the job." Picard said darkly. Sisko looked at him in alarm, and Picard laughed shortly, "Did I say _I_, I meant the bridge he was standing on." He laughed again, but Sisko responded by scooting his chair as far away from Picard as he could.

Kirk droned on, not taking notice, as Captain Archer frantically took notes. "What are you doing?" Janeway asked, frowning.

"I'm taking notes." Archer explained, still scribbling away. "One of these days I'm gonna actually have to fight a battle."

"And you're taking notes from him?" Sisko said. "Oh man, if you want to hear about a real fight, just let me tell you about the Dominion war."

"Sisko, why don't you get off your freaking high horse already." Janeway said in annoyance. "I spent the last seven years fighting my way through the Delta Quadrant."

"Here's the world's smallest violin playing the worlds saddest song just for you." Picard said. "You haven't heard a story until you let me tell you about the time _I _was assimilated by the Borg and tried to destroy Earth."

"Everybody and their cousin's been assimilated by the Borg and then saved." Janeway said, rolling her eyes. "I have been, and so has like half of my crew. It's old news Picard."

"If you are all quite finished," Kirk said, "I would like to finish telling Johnny boy here my story."

Janeway leaned forward and pointed a finger at Archer. "I can see how Picard may have messed up killing you, Kirk, but why the hell isn't Archer dead. You and your ship are from a couple hundred years ago, you _defiantly_ shouldn't be here."

"I'm a main character in Star Trek." Archer replied, "They can't kill me off."

"That's what they tell you." Sisko said, irritation in his voice, "but just wait until they need to boost the ratings of your series finally."

Janeway shaped her thumb and pointer finger into an L and put it to her forehead. "Loser!"

"Freaking Rick Berman. Telling me that the best direction for the Sisko character would be for him to jump in a damn fire pit." Sisko muttered under his breath.

At that moment, someone approached the table. "Do you mind if I sit here?" He said gesturing to the open seat by Sisko.

"I'm sorry," Picard said, "This table is for Captain's only."

"But I am a Captain," he said, pointing to the four pips on his collar.

"Take a hint." Janeway said, "This is only for those of us important enough to have our own shows."

The man shrugged and walked away.

"Alright, now if you'd all shut up, I want to finish my story." Kirk said in a rather whiney voice.

"Alright," Janeway said standing up, "I've had about enough of your shit Kirk. Get your ass over hear cuz I'm about to kick it."

"I don't hurt women physically, I just say I love them, then never talk to them again."

"Just get up, you pansy ass freak." Janeway took up a fighting stance, and waited for Kirk to come at her.

"Alright fine," Kirk said standing, "I have a bone to pick with you anyway. Nobody breaks the prime directive more times than me. That's _my_ thing." He charged at Janeway with two hooked fingers, prepared to claw her eyes out.

She waited, and just as he got close enough, she close-lined him, and Kirk fell to the floor unconscious. Picard, sipping a martini, ignored the fight that had just broken out and turned to Sisko . "So, how'd the Worf thing work out for you? Was he still a whiney, brooding, nancy who was always concerned about 'honor this and honor that'."

"How'd you know!?"Sisko exclaimed as he scooted his chair back near Picard. "You know, what always bothered me the most-"

"I have my own starship!" Archer exclaimed at Picard and Sisko.

"SHUT UP!" They both yelled at him at the same time.

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**Ok, that's all, I planned to have this be just a short bit, but let me know what you think.**


End file.
